My walk to work takes me exactly 17 minutes.
I know this because this morning was my first day and I was exactly two minutes late after estimating it would take me 15 minutes to walk there. Yes, I could have walked faster but I knew I would already be having those "nervous sweats" and did not want to further my embarrassment by having the "I was late and I ran here" sweats. All is well, no one really noticed, but for being an overly-sensitive and somewhat anxious person I was experiencing my all too familiar freak out. (I say 'somewhat anxious' to save face, but I am anxious on a regular basis to an embarrassing extent).
Anxiety - a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome
Thank you Google for that accurate definition of my daily inner conflict. Most people who meet me would not be able to tell that this is my experience. I have learned to cope since the day a child psychiatrist informed me that I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Coping mechanisms include alone time, and self-deprecating humour. The latter being the most effective. OCD is wildly misinterpreted at times, so I have often refrained from sharing that part of myself. The only time I hear people talk about OCD is when they are making a joke about someone who always has to do things their own way or perhaps cleans more regularly than the average person. I have only in the past year begun to realize how much this diagnosis is a reality for me and that it may be healthy to talk about it more. The realization came through my recent training in Social Service Work where I learned so much about the importance of mental health and self-awareness. I believe as I move forward in my desire to work with at-risk families and youth I need to develop a deeper understanding of who I am and how I react to my environment.
I hope you will enjoy my stories as I write about my work and life in the Forest City.